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“He’s the hunkiest male I’ve ever met,” said Brutus. “Definitely not a pussy or a girly man like most. A man’s man.”

“Whatever that means,” said Harriet with an eyeroll.

“It means he’s my hero,” said Brutus.

“I thought your hero was Caitlyn Jenner?” said Harriet. “You were going to change yourself into a woman, remember?”

“Oh, that was just a whim,” said Brutus with a gesture of his paw.

“I wonder if Chase is neutered, just like we are,” said Dooley now.

“He doesn’t look neutered,” said Brutus.

“How can you tell?” asked Harriet.

“I’ve seen him without his clothes,” Brutus revealed. “He doesn’t look neutered to me. He still has all his… assets. And they’re quite formidable.”

Harriet’s eyes lit up with a renewed fervor. “He’s not Jesus,” she said now, reverently. “The man is a God. A superhero.”

“Hey, and what am I? Chopped liver?”

“You’re a demi-god, okay?” she snapped.

“I should have listened to Kingman,” Brutus grumbled. “He told me there’s a shop where they sell Neuticles.”

“They sell what now?” I asked.

“Neuticles. Prosthetic testicular implants. They’re made of silicone and look just like the real thing. They make them for neutered male pets, so they wouldn’t feel so bad about having their appendages removed.”

“Oh, just grow a pair,” said Harriet, shaking her head.

“That’s just it—I can’t. But I can buy a pair.”

“Oh, my god,” she groaned.

“It’s a thing!” said Brutus.

“Brutus, baby, when are you going to get it through that thick skull of yours that I don’t care what you’re packing? It’s you I love, not your equipment.”

“Oh, honey lamb,” he said, mollified.

“Oh, snuggle pooh,” she said.

Kissing ensued, and both Dooley and I rolled our eyes and looked away.

“If this is what birds and bees do, I’m not sure I want to know about it,” Dooley said.

“I hear you, Dooley,” I said. “I hear you.”

“So?” said Chase blithely. “What’s the verdict? Do they like me or do they like me?”

But Marge, Odelia and Gran were too busy rolling on the floor laughing.

That’s one other thing us cats have: apart from the gift of the gab, we make people laugh.

And isn’t that the greatest gift of all?