Agatha H and the Voice of the Castle

The Castle interrupted. “There is a maintenance shed nearby. There should be tools and supplies. I believe you should also find a set of blueprints as well as a current flow diagram.” There was a different quality to its voice. Agatha suspected that it wasn’t quite the same part of the Castle they’d been dealing with earlier.

Gil beamed. “Why, that should help us tremendously! Lead us to it!”

Agatha nodded. “Good. While you’re working on that, I’ll start working on one of those chest pieces for myself. Then, we’ve got to start on something to channel the current through us.”

“Yeah, we…um…” Gil stopped. “Wait.” He said, turning slowly to Agatha.

“Channel the current through ‘us’?” Tarvek finished, worried. “You, too? But—”

The Castle rumbled softly. The lights flickered.

Agatha sighed. “Yes. To cure Tarvek, we were going to kill him, clean him out and then revive him. Obviously I’ll require the same treatment. That’s why we need to find sufficient power. I can hook myself into the system, and we’ll zap both of us at one go. It’ll be very efficient.”

“Hold on!” Gil said, “I know I said this was a good plan, but that was when Sturmvoraus was the one to fry!”

Tarvek raised his voice. He was making small, frantic “stop talking” motions with his hands. “Heavens, yes, Agatha, this is for me, your loving consort! We could never do something like this to you!”

Agatha was annoyed. “What are you—” Too late, the pfennig dropped and she turned her eyes upwards. “Oh.”

“I agree!” the Castle howled. “I will not permit this!”

“What do you mean, ‘you won’t permit it’,” Agatha shouted back. “I’m sick. This procedure can cure me!”

“You cannot die!” The Castle sounded, if possible, more unbalanced than ever.

“I assure you, I most certainly can!”

“I must have a Heterodyne in residence! Until you produce an heir, you are not expendable.”

“I don’t really see that happening any time soon.”

“Why not? You have two fine, strapping—”

Tarvek stepped in. “There is insufficient time for the viable gestation of an heir, as technically, she is already dying.”

Agatha stared at him with a sour look on her face. “Yes, obviously that is the only thing stopping me from producing an heir for you in the next five minutes.”

Tarvek rolled his eyes.

The Castle was not deterred. “Troublesome, yes. However, with a little effort, you should be able to get your great grand-uncle Zagnut’s Corporeal Duplicator built before it is too late. With a little tweaking, you could have a disease-free copy of yourself. Several, if you desire.”

Tarvek and Gil looked at each other.

“Intriguing…” Gil murmured.

“How many more?” Tarvek asked.

The Castle continued. “The prototype merely tore him in half, but he did leave excellent notes.”

“This is crazy,” von Zinzer said from the archway. “By your logic, you shouldn’t have let any of your Heterodynes out of their bedrooms! Ever!”

Everyone stared at him.

“Oh,” the Castle said in surprise. “Yessss…that was a mistake. I see that now. Well spotted, minion.”

Von Zinzer blinked. “I…” He looked at Agatha.

“Thank you,” she said, “for your help.”

“I’ll just…”

“Shut up?”

“Yes.” Von Zinzer shut up.

Agatha shook her head. “Enough of this. I know it’s dangerous, but I think it’ll work, and it’s not as if you can stop me.”

“You are incorrect.” The section of floor under Agatha’s feet sank into the ground. A slab thudded into place over her head. “In any situation where the succession is at stake, I am permitted, even required, to disregard your commands. You are not the first Heterodyne to be more concerned with destruction than with the continuation of the family. But even at low ebb, as I am now, I have more than enough power to keep you from doing anything foolhardy.”

Agatha pounded a fist against the stone wall. “But Gil and Tarvek will die!”

“They are potentially valuable, but ultimately replaceable.”

“No they are not!” Agatha screamed. “Besides, I’ll die!”

“If you truly are a Heterodyne,” the Castle said smugly, “You’ll think of something.”

Agatha stared into the darkness and then finally sagged back against the wall. “All right,” she said finally. “Fine. You’ve made your point. I’ll come up with another plan.” She took a deep breath, “In fact, I believe I have one already.”

“Excellent.” With that, the floor rose and the stone unfolded around Agatha, revealing the anxious faces of her companions. The Castle continued smugly, “I’m so glad we had this little talk.”

“Anything else you want?” Agatha asked it sarcastically.

“Well, one simply can’t have too many weathervanes…”

“Okay,” Gil looked grim. “We all heard it, so what are we going to do?”

Tarvek nodded. “You said you had a new plan?”

Agatha shrugged. “The Castle isn’t giving us a choice. Now I’ve got an idea I want to work on, while you two—” She leaned in and breathed the words “distract it,” before straightening up and continuing in a louder voice, “find us a place to set up!”

Tarvek looked thoughtful.

Gil muttered, “Wait, so you still want us to—”