d5e426eccb138e04dab909926b2752c6

“I mean—are we home yet? I’m hungry.”

And so I learned another valuable truth about dogs: some of them have a one-track mind. And that’s not me being critical of my canine brethren. Merely stating a fact.

But lucky for Rambo we’d finally arrived home, and as we walked along the narrow stretch between the two houses belonging to our humans, suddenly I heard a loud scream. And when we raced to track the source of the scream, we came upon a grisly scene: Tex was lying on his back, and blood was streaming down his face.

“I’m hit!” he said. “Help me, I’m hit!”

Chapter 35

“Oh, Dad—Daddy! What happened?”

Tex groggily glanced around, and as if through a haze saw his son come running out of the house. Dudley knelt down next to him.

“I’ve been hit,” he repeated. “Someone shot me. Right… here…” He gestured vaguely in the direction of his head, then started feeling even woozier than before.

“Oh, Daddy, Daddy, please don’t die,” said Dudley. “We just found each other—please don’t die on me now.” He was sniffling and tears now flowed from Tex’s own eyes, too.

“I’m sorry, Dudders,” he croaked. “But they-they got me good this time. I think it’s the end for me. Tell Marge… tell her I love her, will you? Tell her… I’m sorry.”

And as if summoned by some unseen hand—or possibly the cats having told her about what had happened—his wife now came hurrying up to them.

“Tex!” she screamed. “Tex, no!”

“Goodbye, Marge,” he said weakly. “This is the end for me. Tell Odelia… I love her…”

Just then, Odelia materialized, looking as stricken as the others were all feeling.

“Dad!” she said, her voice distinctly wobbly. “Daddy, no!”

“I’ll always be up there… watching over you,” he said, pointing heavenward with his final remaining ounce of strength. “Good… bye.”

“Oh, will you stop whining, you sissy,” suddenly a loud voice intruded upon his most tragic death scene. He frowned as he recognized his mother-in-law’s voice.

“Vesta,” he croaked. “Take care of… my family… will you?” He would have told her he loved her, but since he didn’t, he didn’t.

“It’s just a flesh wound, you idiot!” And to show him she meant what she said, she pressed something very stinging to his ear.

“Ouch!” he said, jumping up. “What are you doing, you silly woman!”

“I’m disinfecting the tiny cut on your ear, you wimp,” said Vesta, then held up a piece of metal and brought it in for his close inspection. “A piece of your lawnmower,” she said. “How many times have I told you to buy yourself a new one? This piece of junk was always going to come apart sooner or later.”

“Tex! She’s right!” said Marge. “It’s only a tiny flesh wound where the blade of that lawnmower hit you!”

He frowned as he took a closer look at that piece of blade Vesta had shoved under his nose. It looked very sharp indeed.“That thing cut me?” he asked.

“Yes, it did,” said Vesta. “You’re one lucky dude. This could have been your noggin,” she added, pressing an antiseptic-soaked cotton ball to his ear and making him wince.

He scrambled into a sitting position and surveyed the scene: there the lawnmower was, now minus a part of its blade, and there the cat contingent sat, all eyeing him piteously. And next to him, his family: Marge, Vesta, Odelia and… his son Dudley.

“So I’m not going to die?” he asked finally.

“No, you’re not!” said Odelia, and threw herself into his arms.

“Oh, you silly, silly man,” said Vesta, but she was smiling as she said it.

“I don’t get it,” said Marge. “It’s been one accident after another. First Ma falling down the stairs, then me electrocuting myself, and now this. What’s going on?”

“And don’t forget about my car breaking down,” said Odelia. “Or the cats almost being burned alive yesterday.”

“That was no accident,” said Vesta.

“It’s my fault,” said Dudley suddenly, looking rueful. “Since I arrived in this family accidents started to happen.”

“Oh, nonsense,” said Tex, now pressing the cotton ball to his own ear. “Like Vesta said, that lawnmower was going to break down sooner or later, and that coffeemaker has seen better days, too, as has that old pickup of yours, Odelia. And as far as that runner is concerned, I screwed that thing into place myself… fifteen years ago!”

“We probably should replace it,” said Marge, giving her mother an apologetic look.

“I’m just glad you guys are fine,” said Odelia. “And accidents happen, Dudley,” she added. “It’s not your fault.” She smiled at her brother, and it warmed Tex’s heart to see both of his kids getting along so well. It’s just the kind of thing a loving father likes to see.

“Let’s just hope this was the last of the accidents,” said Vesta. “I’m a tough old girl, but even I didn’t enjoy tumbling down those stairs.”

They all laughed at that, relief making them a little giddy, and even Tex was laughing along. And then Dudley suddenly said,“Is it just my imagination or is the number of cats growing in number? I thought you had four cats and now I see… five and a dog?”